staying at home

I’ve been neglecting my blogging lately. I thought i would have more time to do all the things that i want to do if i stay at home. I didn’t realized that being a fulltime stay-at-home mom could be more exhausting  than being a working mom. Grabe! There’s so much to do! So  little time! And it’s so hot! 

I guess I haven’t adjusted yet.  I don’t want to adjust though, coz this will only be temporary, I’ll be back to work in no time.

Yes, it is more exhausting but more fulfilling.  I got to know my kids better, spent more quality time with them, had fun with them, got more time to talk with my eldest who is five, and got to know more of the things that’s going on in his mind.   

I went to places with them without having to hurry home to sleep and get back to work in time. I was able to join the family outing without having to worry about leaves of absences and such.  I was able to bring my eldest to school and back home, and on the way, we talk about things that we haven’t talked before. 

These are just some of the things that I’m going to miss when I go back to work. Coz I really have to go back to work.  I hate not having my own money to spend. I have always been independent. I like doing it my way, and having my own money, gives me a little bit of power to do it my way, hehe.  

The other week I went to my brother’s house and he showed me some photos of their family vacation in Marinduque, where we grew up by the way. I felt little bit envious, just look at the picture.  I mean, I grew up there and never even knew such a place existed.

So over the past few days, I was able to bond with this brother of mine as well. Part of the reason why I haven’t been blogging is because we were so busy modifying our friendster account, which was made specifically for the people of our community. My brother supplied me some pics and graphics, we updated the account, and we were so successful.  A lot of people like it, I guess, based on the comments and views that we’ve been getting.  Since our collaboration, which was 10 days ago, we had more that 150 views. more than 150 views in just 10 days! I think that’s amazing,  before the site only average 30 or so views in a month.  So this leads me to think that my brother is a genius!

It was the first time also that I got to use a computer with parts scattered all over. I had to be very careful he said. Here’s a pic.

Overall, the last few days had been very good. I got tired but I’m happy.  Sabi nga ni Alanis Morisette, I’m broke but I’m happy.

katha 1996

Don’t Say Goodbye

when you go way

don’t say goodbye

for if you do

i’ll surely cry.

don’t let me know

of the day and time

just go ahead

i will be fine.

don’t wave at me

just walk away

if you can

don’t let me see.

for if you do

i might wonder why

you even cared

to say goodbye.

so this is goodbye

Last Wednesday I had my exit interview.  It only lasted  five minutes, and yet in that five minutes, as I hand out my atm card, my hmo and my kids’ hmo cards, my id and my proximity card, I felt that I was being stripped of the things that were extremely valuable to me. Those were the things that I could not live without for the past two years. Suddenly, I felt very vulnerable and sad.

Kakalungkot. kakaiyak.

Two blogs before this you would have thought that I am so happy to be free. Yes I am. But it doesn’t mean that I worked for a really bad company. It was not like that at all. It was not like that before…All things considered, my company had been very good to me. I loved it there. I have great friends, good memories.  It’s just that there had been sudden changes in the company, major changes, and we were left with no option but to deal with these changes. I chose not to.  A lot of us chose not to deal with these changes, and left.  I have always been a different person.  This time,  I chose not to be different.

There is still pain, but there is peace as well.  There is a sense of finality, there is no regret. I know, in my heart, that the best thing to do is to leave.  There is no other choice.

bored to death

It has only been 2 days since i filed my resignation, and here i am, so bored already.  I have so many things that I wanted to do, but now I just don’t have the urge to do them anymore. Tinatamad? Or is it just the Holy Week?  Anyway, the past three days, all I did was sleep, go online, update my friendster acoount, watch movies on dvd that I’ve already seen, eat, play with Sam, sleep, eat again, check on my friendster acoount again, update my blog, read other’s people’s blog.  I am on a vacation,hehe…a really long one. What I really wanted to do was clean the room, clean the room, clean the room, arrange the clothes in the cabinet, sort out the pictures that have been stacked for almost a year now, and so much more that a normal mom would do on a normal day.  But here I am procastinating on the things that I had wished I have time for… Well, I should go easy on myself, there’s a lot time ahead anyway. Tomorrow I’m going to make a list of what I have to do in the next few weeks.  I better sort out my finances too.

 So I read all of the Pinoy top blogs in wordpress. Nakakaaliw, nakakatuwa. My favorite post is Para Kay Potpot of Hibang.  Natawa ako dun, nakita ko kasi ang mga anak ko ke Potpot.  Galing din sumulat ng owner. Kaya hayun, di ko napigilan na magcomment. First comment ko, yehey!

Here’s a list of what I need to do online: learn how to download the photos from flicker, get a cluster map on my blog, set up another page from my poems, convince my bestfriend that she needs to get a blog of her own to showcase her pictures… ang dami pa.

Sam’s awake na.  Sam’s always busy, busy, busy as a bee. He doesn’t run out of things to do. Which means I won’t run out of things to do also…for a while.